Author Archives: Allia (A.E.) Sadeghipour

I Shall Urinate in the Men’s Bathroom!

I shall urinate in the men’s bathroom! I shall read Maxim magazine, I shall reclaim colors like blue and black, and maybe even green. I will drink beer while watching football, play Halo 3 with SK3W, confess to peers the worst of sins, while watching pornography too. I will shout the obscenest of words, likeContinue reading “I Shall Urinate in the Men’s Bathroom!”

Drown (Or, Learning How to Swim the Hard Way)

I’m suffocating. I can’t breathe. They tell me it’s easy. They tell me it’s natural. They tell me inhale, exhale inhale deep breaths. But how can you breathe when you are drowning? How can you breathe below the surface? Wading beneath the waters, watching the colors dance on the viscous curvature, sensual mockery, “See how easy?”Continue reading “Drown (Or, Learning How to Swim the Hard Way)”

Experiment 27 ½: Rain and Washing Machines

After many experiments, I have officially concluded that, in fact, these are the sounds of the rain and washing machines as best can be represented by human speech! Rain 1. Shlip-Splop 2. Blink-Tink 3. Vavoom 4. Pink-Plink 5. Stop-Slop 6. Crinkle-Crack Washing Machine 1. Shimy-Shake 2. Sixes 3. Broth 4. Viscous 5. Seepage 6. WorcestershireContinue reading “Experiment 27 ½: Rain and Washing Machines”

26 Sick Days

Dear Professor, I am unable to make it to class today because it is raining, and I cannot afford the proper shoes. Dear Professor, I did not attend class because your comments were hurtful. I hope to complete the course and attain the necessary credits from afar. Dear Professor, I didn’t want to disappoint youContinue reading “26 Sick Days”

Hello. Goodbye. Go fuck yourself.

Hello. Goodbye. Go fuck yourself beautiful. I want to tell you nothing. But I want you to feel something. The shame of being beautiful-ugly, fat-fit, hairy-exotic-homely fuck. Fuck you inevitable, fuck you future, fuck you destiny, (How many more times can I say fuck? I don’t fucking know.) The darkest part of myself is theContinue reading “Hello. Goodbye. Go fuck yourself.”