Why Hello There

It seems that you have stumbled upon this site, for which I have no answer as to why you are here. All I have for you are more questions. Questions upon questions upon questions. So, if you don’t want to think, or you expect some kind of answer, then run little one. Run very quickly away. For this is not the place for you, and you have stumbled into an ever expanding mind with no foreseeable exit.

Ich bin nicht Türkisch

Hallo, sind sie Türkisch?

Ich bin nicht Türkisch.

Naja? Aber woher kommen sie? Nicht Türkei?


[Where do I come from?]

Nein. Ich bin nicht Türkisch. Ich bin eine Amerikanerin.


“Nie, das ist unmöglich. Woher kommen sie? Ihren Familienstadt?”


[Family city? Well most of my mom’s family’s from Cleveland, and my father lives in San Diego. Or is this one of those “official” words you see on documents? Is he asking for my billing zip code? Is he trying to figure out where I live?]



“Versteh mir nicht.”


[No. Shit. Or would that be “nein Scheisse”? Nicht Scheisse? Kein Scheisse? Is there a German equivalent?]


Ihr Vati und Mutti, woher kommen sie? Ihr Nachname?


[Da fuck! Now he wants to know about the genealogy of my last name. What is this guy getting at? Okay, respond in the most elegant way possible]

Um, was?


Ihren Augen sind gross und braun und ihre Nase ist wie ein Berg.


[Berg? Like hamburger? Shit, I know this word. Castle? No that’s Schloss. Wall? No that’s Mauer or Wand or whatever. Berg? What the hell is “Berg”? Like iceberg, like a mountain. Son of a bitch! Did he just say my nose is like a fucking mountain?]

Mein Nase ist wie was?


“Berg, berg, gross, “zig-zag/crooked,” aber ein bisschen hübsch.”


[Is this really happening?]

Was hast du gesagt?

[Oh shit! I just switched to informal.

This dude’s gunna think his horrendous attempt at flirting is working.]


“Naja und dein Baum -”


[Now he’s using the informal. There’s no going back to the formal forms now.

Why is he still talking? Could this get worse?]


Meine Muttie würde mich nie mit einer türkische Frau ausgehen lassen, aber deine exotischen Lippen ….


[Oh yeah it’s getting worse. Sift through your little A-2 brain dictionary. Come on, come on, oh thank goodness my stop is coming up. Now’s my chance to lay it on him! To tell him off, to educate this man on the historical context for which such terms were created in order to oppress people based on their citizenship, gender, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, okay you got this, you got this, stop’s right here. Now use that repertoire of language to educate this man and shut him the fuck up. You got this A-2.]

Nicht jeder mit braunen Augen ist Türkisch.

Nicht jeder, der anders aussieht ist Türkisch.

Nicht jeder mit einer großen Nase ist Türkisch.

Und Ich, ich bin nicht Türkisch.

Und du,

du bist ein Arsch. 

If the BVG was an RPG

  • Select character
  • You have selected — U8
  • U8 has engaged in a fight
  • *Battle Music Initiated* U8 versus Hausverwaltung
  • Fight>Select>Magic>Reveler
  • U8 has become intoxicated
  • U8 is too intoxicated to fight
  • Hausverwaltung attacks with increased rent
  • Select>Power>EDM
  • U8 has become unresponsive to battle commands
  • Hausverwaltung attacks with “Noise Complaint: Final Notice.”
  • U8 is severely injured.
  • Select Character>#27 Medic Class
  • Fight>Medic Class is unable to fight
  • Heal! U8 is intoxicated and ignores “Heal”
  • U8 use>item>Berghain Entry Stamp
  • U8 uses combination EDM and Berghain Entry Stamp. Causes area effect. #27 and U8 ignore commands.
  • Select character>S41 & S42: The Twins
  • ***long silence*** Where are they?
  • Summon>Night Bus 50!
  • Night Bus 50 will arrive next turn!
  • Hausverwaltung summons U6. Combined attack “Fine Print Loophole & Tourists.”
  • #27 has been knocked unconscious. Combined attack missed U8.
  • Select>Flee/Run.
  • You are unable to flee. Hausverwaltung uses “Contract.”
  • Select>Flee/Run.
  • You are unable to flee. Hausverwaltung uses “3 Month Notice.”
  • Nightbus 50 has arrived! You have successfully fled the Ringbahn arena!

“Tag der Deutschen Einheit: A Letter to Freedom”

Berlin, deutsche Vereinigung, vor dem Reichstag

I just got published yesterday in honor of Germany’s Reunification Day!!! WHIIIIICH also marked my one year anniversary of living in Berlin. Holy Crap!!! I am so lucky and blessed. Check out my piece here!!!




We memorize Wi-Fi passwords

like our parents memorized phone numbers





SSXI 4246303583


Time Touched Lover

Lulled shivers

of post-coitus sighs

from fur quake

exhaling soft rings.

Cellulite stretches and

a mole marked majora

wrinkled smiles

of a stretched perineum

and receding scrotum

curling behind terse

grey hairs.

My time touched lover,

we are orgasms in stillness.

Vaginas are Coffee

I have learned this,
I am educated,
it must be fact.


consumable when
cold, warm, iced, or far above the legally consumable limit
served sweet, bitter, and/or a little milky
(maybe very milky)
fat-whole-soy-a little bit of skim

add a little bit of flavor
and stir the stick
swirl the spoon
watch as it slips beneath the surface
the precision of gingerly lapping
at the freezing  burn
fingering beneath the miniscus