If the BVG was an RPG

  • Okay, finally settled, got my apartment, I’m gunna start exploring the city, looks like I have to select a character okay
  • Select character
  • You have selected — U8
  • Perfect, now that I’ve selected a character, let’s start exploring the-
  • U8 has engaged in a fight
  • Wha- oh godamnit!
  • *Battle Music Initiated* U8 versus Hausverwaltung
  • Use>Magic>Reveler/Drunkard
  • U8 has become intoxicated
  • Hausverwaltung attacks with increased rent prices
  • Oh goddamnit! I just moved here! You fuckin- gah!
  • Use>Power>HAUSMUSIK
  • U8 dances and is now unresponsive to battle commands
  • Hausverwaltung attacks with “Noise Complaint: Final Notice.”
  • U8 is severely injured.
  • Heal!
  • U8 is intoxicated and ignores “Heal.” Uses MDMA.
  • U8 is unresponsive to battle commands uses>item>Berghain Entry Stamp
  • U8 uses combination HAUSMUSIK and Berghain Entry Stamp. Causes massive area effect.
  • Hausverwaltung is confused.
  • Now’s my chance to get out of here!
  • Use>Summon >S41 & S42: The Twins
  • ***long silence*** Where are they?
  • Hausverwaltung is no longer confused.
  • Summon>Night Bus 50!
  • Night Bus 50 will arrive next turn! Or end of match! Or next match!
  • Hausverwaltung summons U6. Combined attack “Fine Print Loophole & Checkpoint Charlie: Tourists.”
  • Combined attack missed U8.
  • Summon>Mieteverein>Mieterverein is closed
  • Flee/Run.
  • You are unable to flee. Hausverwaltung uses “Contract.”
  • Flee/Run.
  • You are unable to flee. Hausverwaltung uses “3 Month Notice.”
  • Flee/Run>Nightbus 50 has arrived! You have successfully fled from the Ringbahn arena!

Published by Allia (A.E.) Sadeghipour

Allia (A.E.) Sadeghipour is a Queer Iranian-American Surrealist, Humanist, President, Producer, Performer, Artist & Educator. She is the President of the Women* Writing Lab Berlin (WWLB), has taught workshops for GLADT and Feminist film organizations, and is currently in Drag King training. Her work has been featured in: The Bear: Favorite Storyteller (2018 & 2020), KCRW and the Goethe Institute (2018 & 2020), What's Afghan Punk Rock Anyway?! (2019), The Ghosts of Berlin: Der Geister von Berlin (2019), Literarische Diverse (2019), Teach the Rainbow: Insights from LGBTeachers about Queer Visibility (2020), and much more. She has had the honor of performing for Pop-Kultur, the Humboldt Forum, GLADT, Wicked, Nightschool Berlin, Viva Con Aqua, the IDP Collective, Media for Change, Refuge Worldwide, and the Iranian Re(connect) Festival. By sharing her narratives and perspectives, she hopes to reach out to the world and introduce them to hers. By sharing her narratives and perspectives, she hopes to reach out to the world and introduce them to hers: www.awerfjil.com.  @awerfjil #awerfjil

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