If the BVG was an RPG

  • Okay, finally settled, got my apartment, I’m gunna start exploring the city, looks like I have to select a character okay
  • Select character
  • You have selected — U8
  • Perfect, now that I’ve selected a character, let’s start exploring the-
  • U8 has engaged in a fight
  • Wha- oh godamnit!
  • *Battle Music Initiated* U8 versus Hausverwaltung
  • Use>Magic>Reveler/Drunkard
  • U8 has become intoxicated
  • Hausverwaltung attacks with increased rent prices
  • Oh goddamnit! I just moved here! You fuckin- gah!
  • Use>Power>HAUSMUSIK
  • U8 dances and is now unresponsive to battle commands
  • Hausverwaltung attacks with “Noise Complaint: Final Notice.”
  • U8 is severely injured.
  • Heal!
  • U8 is intoxicated and ignores “Heal.” Uses MDMA.
  • U8 is unresponsive to battle commands uses>item>Berghain Entry Stamp
  • U8 uses combination HAUSMUSIK and Berghain Entry Stamp. Causes massive area effect.
  • Hausverwaltung is confused.
  • Now’s my chance to get out of here!
  • Use>Summon >S41 & S42: The Twins
  • ***long silence*** Where are they?
  • Hausverwaltung is no longer confused.
  • Summon>Night Bus 50!
  • Night Bus 50 will arrive next turn! Or end of match! Or next match!
  • Hausverwaltung summons U6. Combined attack “Fine Print Loophole & Checkpoint Charlie: Tourists.”
  • Combined attack missed U8.
  • Summon>Mieteverein>Mieterverein is closed
  • Flee/Run.
  • You are unable to flee. Hausverwaltung uses “Contract.”
  • Flee/Run.
  • You are unable to flee. Hausverwaltung uses “3 Month Notice.”
  • Flee/Run>Nightbus 50 has arrived! You have successfully fled from the Ringbahn arena!

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